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date/time Tuesday, February 16, 2010,10:00 PM
formspring.me
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date/time Sunday, February 14, 2010,10:32 PM
so many people use your name in vein.
"i want to wear an over sized apparel of my grey matter's naive eruption.. and maybe that way i'll have a string tied alibi to be comfortably stamped as.. foolish." simplified to your liking:
nowadays, indulgence is involved with increased quantity without quality. and the seniority of the vintage essence is brought to reality. as we realize, it's only best to rewind. to get out of our hearts, and get in to our minds. though the future holds the opposite for recent archived love, i want to be young, naive, and foolish.. so i can be forgetful and tell myself that,
i know what i'm doing.
"i only want someone who will look at the interpretation of each sentence i construct, only to be able to cut it in four pieces and tape it back all together again."
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date/time Saturday, February 6, 2010,11:57 PM
find you
Q: how long can you pretend that you're okay when you're actually feeling like shit? A: pretty damn long.
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date/time Thursday, February 4, 2010,7:11 PM
negative
i find heart break so intriguing that it makes me so curious about how it feels.. but feeling as if i'm setting myself up for a pre-heart ache isn't so pleasing to both.
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date/time 7:06 PM
no matter what
so i just thought that this was really inspiring.. and i wanted to post it on my own blog..cause it was pretty damn well written.. so here it is: (i've bolded that parts that i love the most.)
-----------------i know love. i've seen her- we are friends. i believe in her and even though we fight sometimes, in the end she always pulls through for me when i need her and for that, i'm grateful.
right now, we are not on the best of terms. i feel like i have a bone to pick with love. i am watching one of the most difficult things i have ever had to watch. i am watching the person who taught me about love, the person who introduced us, i'm watching her fall apart.
it sucks. because, having finally learned to believe in something, i have to watch it be tested in this way, and i don't know whats going to happen, or how, or why its happening. why would love, our sweet, gentle, loyal friend, desert one of her own? how could she? how could she stand by and let this happen to someone with so much faith in her?
it is unfair. it tears me up and it makes me wonder- have we all misplaced our trust, our hope, faith and belief? it makes me wonder why we're all out to befriend such a fickle, fickle bitch. if she could just chose to take a rain-check on us like this, when times get hard.
i think, we can be very hard on love. we expect so much. we want to salvage our relationship so badly, that we refuse to let her off the hook even when its not entirely her fault. we look at love, and ask her why.
we need to not blame ourselves, we need to not point fingers. we need to understand the nature of love, we need to understand how she works and why. because otherwise, we are bound to be let down. we need to understand that she is around simply, to entertain us. to make her presence felt. perhaps comfort us, and reassure us. in the end, we wallow in the belief that she will not, cannot, hold you together when you need her most. that is because we are blind.
we are a dependent society and i find it sad. i love love. i love my boyfriend, i love my family, and i love my friends. hell, i love my fuzzy gray beanie that will probably never be returned to its rightful owner... i love love. but i have a healthy fear, an acknowledgment to the fact that she is liable to drop out from beneath my feet at any moment. the future is not promised us.
we need to stop running, blindfolded by love. we need to accept that things change, and accept love from wherever we can get it, even if its not where you want it to come from. we need to let our friends love us. let our parents, pets, and hobbies, love us. because when you lose one source of love, you're going to wish you had another.
love, where are you when we need you? the truth is, she's right there. we are just to absorbed to see her, because she takes a form that we may not necessarily be in the mood for. but she is there. she is always there. and she may not love you. but you need to love her.
no matter what, you need to love her.
-lindsay--------------
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date/time 6:44 PM
no one is supposed to feel lonely.
everyone's getting hurt by... people they love. (friends, family, boyfriends) and it hurts me to see it cause it hurts to feel it, even though i couldn't give a crap about who got hurt, i do.. cause no one deserves to feel like that.. anyway, we received our course selections this morning, and the meeting was pretty intimidating. my dad reminded me this morning that "without going through any pain, you won't get happiness." even though he was just talking about all those sciences he expects me to take, following the footsteps of my sister, i applied it to everything that's been happening. it seems to me that it's so easy these days for people to forget. forget about who you are to them, and who you are in general. cause lately i've only assumed that "the mean girls get away with everything." it seems like, that's who everyone's attracted to lately.. but as much as i'd only enjoy that, i'm not going to do the same just to see if i can get the same.. i've got enough background people that i barely talk to that i know that they'll be there. i just hope that this "pain" will turn out to be some form of receiving happiness later on.
anyway, the same people have been the same people. their habits haven't changed, but their friends have. and i'm trying not to mind. i want to tell myself that i don't need anyone that treats me wrong, but how can you not be lying when they're the only people you'll be seeing everyday? i can't wait till i graduate. "we all want to grow older now, just to feel young again later."
like araujo says "you gotta be okay with the shit that you step on. you've gotta be able to look at the shit in your life, and be okay with it."
...i'm getting there.
q of the day: "i've had my share of tears, my sleepless nights, my days of mourning and inability to say one word.. but i've gotten stronger from that, and with it, i can learn to move on." -rel class/zimney.
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music
it's hard for me to pretend.
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Profile
I'm Chelsea.
"wish that it was a perfect world where you could just forgive and forget; but you kind of learn that if someone loses your trust, you have to help them grow too, by giving them the consequence of 'letting them go and moving on..' it's hard to let someone go, but at the same time if you really love them, you're going to teach them what's right. love is selfless."
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disclaim your rules
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