i'm not scared of you, never was intimidated by you, not hurt by you.. just seriously creeped out by you. it's seriously gross, sick, and disturbing on your part on how you'd spend that much time..
i guess this is act is permanent under this humidity; im going crazy, going phsycho.. labelled reckless stupidity. and i can feel the heat right below my toes, so i suppose it's the weather but im not feeling any better..and im gonna close this case cause i'm not feeling right. i got barely any clothes on but my skin feels so tight. im not getting any sleep, but staying awake's "fun." thinking about my problems, and a bitch aint one!! WHAT?!
we've done some pretty bad shit together HAHA but you're my second sister. i miss you MCD. (L)
life's got a whole load of bullshitters. don't miss em.Post a Comment
date/time 8:07 PM
promise - ciara
i'm looking for somebody i can call boo, looking for the only one that i can give my all to. tell me if it's you, you, you. what you wanna do, do, do? make your move. you can be my teacher, i'll do homework. you can give me extra credit, baby, i'll do more work. what you wanna do, do, do? this mood is so right, it feels so right. you can be my prince, my knight, you can be my superman; save me, here I am. you and me together, picture perfect. i'll spend all my money, all my time because you're worth it. it's just me and you, you, you. what you wanna do, do, do? make a move. call me mama, spoil you like a baby. thinking about you, dreaming about you. got me going crazy. what you wanna do, do, do? now it's me and you, you, you. make a move.Post a Comment
"my heart thumps not from being nervous, sometimes i'm thinking God made me special here on purpose. so all the while, 'till i'm gone, make my words important so if i slip away, if i die today the last thing you remember won't be about some apple bottom jeans with the boots with the fur. baby how i dream of being free since my birth, cursed but the demons i confronted won't disperse. have you ever heard of some shit so real? beyond from the soul from the heart you can feel?"
running away from a claustrophobic box that encircles my faith, grasping onto the dehydrated air, i grip my shrivled-up self. the sunlight rays clasp the clouds and ship them away to slowly disappear. my corneas fill with a golden light as i walk around with a blurred vision, scrapes on my knees and a clear barcode on my wrist, with a despising label above my head that rhetorically reads "not free."
wow this post keeps screwing up.. and i've redone it 3 times so screw it HAHA.
so what was the ride that i went on with kathlene that made her sick?! HAHA whatever it was i LOVED it and could go on it forever. haha so playland was THE BEST with THE BEST. i've missed you, kathlene, elizer, tomeia, georgia.. and all the people i haven't seen in FOREVER soooo much <3 p.s. im going to miss this when it comes off.......... :( Post a Comment
date/time Monday, July 27, 2009,12:12 AM
selfish girl
NUMBER ONE.
i wanna try and run away from you, get away from you, stay away from you..
but something keeps turning me to you, pulling me to you, pleading me to you.
and it's hard cause i get scared.. cause i deserve all the karma in the world with what i've done, and i'm pretty sure it hurt but if they survived it, maybe i can too. cause i'm not used to being the one that writes about you, listens to you, waits for you, wants you, loves you.. it's usually the other way around, and only one person in those scenerios feels like that, and i admit it wasn't me.
so is this what it feels like? cause i'm going crazy, going over board, going upside down and walking on the sky with my head on the ground.. i'm that close to earth cause i've already fallen.
sometimes you just wish.. that when you fall, it won't hurt.
NUMBER TWO.
"the sun's so much brighter, and the heat's getting to me. sunlit rays dance foolishly into my throbbing pain.. so much like a bee sting. so i'm over the edge, and wanting to fall further.. avoiding to hit the shadowed ground where i would become one of them."
NUMBER THREE.
woooh! so now i can shadow guard and get my AWSI.. when school starts! sucks! but whatever, i've got a summer to enjoy and maybe playland tomorrow with the best.. it'll be interessant.
i am developing an obsessive hobby.. which is for now just for fun. i'll give you guys the website to it soon.. as soon as i add a bit more stuff to it.. and NO, it's not a porn website T_T
sitting on my carpet with my cousin dana watching the thunder and lightning under a deli-pink sky that's wrapped in a sandwhich of sky blue mixtures is just purely amazing.. just purely amazing.
p.s. i caught a glimpse of that rainbow.. this day has been my pot of gold.
what happens when you cut off a main artery.. FIREWORKS! hence the title.. in other words, BLOOD. A LOT OF BLOOD..you can put your creativity and imagination together and figure out what i mean by blood + fireworks... which was pretty cool. renren, you're missing out.. i wish you took the course with me.. it's the best HAHA, i named my chocking baby doll russell.. love you! (i saved him so dw) yeah so for you all.. if you get stabbed *ehm*, shot, knocked out (that includes teeth and bones out of your skin), go unconscious for running into a wall or something.. i can save you! YAY! so my resume's now going to look good (Y) yummy. but i'm missing out.. on shopping in states with mikaela ///3 AND prior to that was waterslides at birchbay.. :( :(
ooooh well... always next time? huh? sleepover? again? yes?! good. and mikaela, apparently you missed out on matt partying hard.. and i mean HARD.
wooh.. so my weeks basically planned until wednesday?
sunday= SFA from 9-5 then mass at 6:30
monday= playland/1 hour hotoil/prepping for lola's big bday
tuesday= hanging out with ro & se <3
wednesday=hanging out with mf & mb [:
and yeah.. too bad i can't take AWSI :( 4th on the waiting list 3
i'm ending this night with dinner with the WHOLE family, which includes a special guest.. mon oncle de la paris/france.. with a lot of crab and a whole lot of seafoods on the menu. (: fambam love [: OOH, and congrats to DA on becoming a God Fathah! wish i could come!
anyway..i just want you to be the kind of "bestfriend" that i can call up any time and trust you enough to update you with everything that's been going on.
i was walking from my garage to my house and i looked up just to see the stars and i found myself dreaming for too long..keeping eye contact with the sky for too long.. i swear i would've won if we had a staring contest. let's just say that tonight's stars are beautiful.. wish i was somewhere up there.
so the fan is currently pissing me off and i don't want to turn it off cause i'd get hot and am way too lazy to get up and do anything..
today was such another good summer day! another perfect day with him.. met at rc, watched the proposal, and other things G rated (: (: then went home after about 3 hours with him and went straight to burnaby to eat with the family and talk about clothes and how big my earrings were are..
downside? i have the worst stomach ache right now, i think you're pretty damn stupid cause she's obviously inlove with you, i miss you, and i wish i was talking to you on the phone right now : ( OH and i saw that bitch who tried to make my life hell in elementary.. whatevs!! [;
so i got a call at like 6 from mikaela asking me if i wanted to go to rc and i asked her if she wanted to sleep over and our moms said yes right away, SOOo.. yeaaah! we ended up going to the mall and coming home at 9.. and getting changed to go to the park with a bunch of matts friends where mikaela and i didn't need alchohol to get drunk HAHA, and we came home at 11 with mosquito bites in the exact same spot :SS
woooh, im awake sitting on my bed and mikaela's sleeping on my room floor on a really big pillow thing.. i do NOT remember that we even fell asleep and i don't think she does either HAHA.. wow we slept so late.. eating chocolate cake, talking as in having "heart to hearts" HAHAHA and trying to define what that "truly" was, leaving harry potter on and looking at millions of fashion blogs and talking about m*** *h*****g (:
it was .. 5 something and we were watching the sunrise and i think we fell asleep haha how lame..
p.s. you hypocrite! we're so totally shunning you HAHA..jk but we know what you're trying to do. "thanks fow the memowies" even though i can't really remember any good ones that outweighed the bad. control yourself, please.
state of mind: you intimidate me in the stupidest ways possible, but i don't want you to know..i just hope we're both floating up, and staying on the same level. oh and btw, i miss you.
woke up today at 7, cause i thought i was going to go swimming at watermania at 8.. and i got there at 8 but it wasn't open until 10.. ugh. so i went back home, listened to passion's songs on youtube, and bussed to watermania by 10 and went swimming.. but was too scared for a bit when i was the only one in the 57m pool :( so i finally can reach the bottom and go 4.2m down but it hurts and it took me over 20 tries before i could touch the bottom without freaking out. and then.. when more people came at around 11:30 i asked one of the lifeguards to time my 600m which i had to do in less than 16minutes and i got just about 14.. which is pretty bad :( and then.. i left at 1 something and got home and babysat adia (L) and left at 4 and missed 10 minutes of "UP"(cutest movie ever).. SORRY DA! and hung out with DA until 6:30 (: keep it simple, stupid :$$
sooo, thanks mikaela for waking me up everytime you call, you're like my alarm haha. JESSICA'S BACK! can't wait to see you!! ooh, and abben, have fun in vegas! you're so lucky.. hope you get the camera from your aunt! don't worry, you'll have so much more fun there then you're having here haha.
HAHA oh my GOSH.. lifeguard training is THE BEST so my friend who is good friends with this girl i grew up with told me to stay longer.. SO, i decided to stay an extra four days which means i end on the 24th? je ne sais pas. YEAH, so me being me, i went up to everyone and introduced myself HAHA.. and got to talk to almost everyone but there are like 30 people in my class so it's kind of hard to remember the names of the chinese girls... NO OFFENSE. so in my class there's a girl who is 14 and already graduated from black belt for tae kwon do and has had 4 broken bones and one because she was kicked out a window..WTF and another guy who got bitten by one of those chimpanzees that dance around drums cause he accidently poked it in the eye while trying to pet it HAHAHAHA and another guy who broke his head cause he ran into a piano HAHAHA and another guy who has the coolest israeli accent.. and yeah a lot of other people who have done retarded things (Y)
so we stayed in this rec room and talked about first aid for the longest time which i still have to take notes on from 8:30 to 11:15 and then we had a lunch break and had to be waiting by a pillar at 12 sharp and then did our endurance swim where we had to do 20 lengths in less than 15 minutes to practice for our final exam on friday.. and luckily i made it under 10 (:
anyway.. ARE YOU SERIOUS, MOTHER NATURE?! NOW?! WHILE I'M SWIMMING!? WHY!? ON THE FIRST DAY TOO!? F/CK YOU!! ughh : ( oh well, this is why i have mikaela to call to ask how to.. yeah HAHA.
p.s. today was a good day except for the fact that i need MIDOL.
I hear them talking cause they seen us around. Got them guessing about what's really going down. And if they find out that we do what we do, Boy, I doubt if they'd believe it was true. So I'm thinking that we should just be good friends. If we continue this way we'll only just hurt each other. So I'm thinking that we should just be good friends. Go through the motions, so we don't blow the cover. You could call my phone, you could swing over my way. On your nights alone, you could come over my place. If she treats you wrong, let me give it to you my way.
Just remember that you're not, you're not my boy.
Indiscretion makes this love affair sweet. Without these secrets it would feel so incomplete. So we should keep our quiet nights between us, So we'll retain our urgency when we touch. You could call my phone, you could swing over my way. On your nights alone, you could come over my place. If she treats you wrong, let me give it to you my way,
SO.. my summer's not THAT bad.. the only thing that's not going right is not being able to watch transformers, up, AND possibly 'i love you beth cooper.' out of all the movies.. i watch ICE AGE haha.. woow. as long as i get to watch harry potter.. then im good (:
-steveston was.. the best with the best. from fish and chips, to getting dizzy at the park to jon's allergy to grass to bboying & bgirling(not really) to floating ta-eh.. you've got it all.
-AND THEN.. yesterday i got to chill at this park with "DA! DA!" hahahaha, but only for an hour and a half cause i went to swimming after from 5:30 to 7:00.. which led me to rc and mikaelas phone call about **** HAHA.. which led me to going to night market with her past midnight. there wasn't much to do there but walk around, see a lot of random people, listen to fobs sing (i thought emmalyn estrada was there):, drink bubbletea and fresh squeezed lemonade, drool at the minimelts and have deep fried ice cream which was pretty gross but really good (:
and i have swimming on july 7th - 10th :S pray for me?
"wish that it was a perfect world where you could just forgive and forget; but you kind of learn that if someone loses your trust, you have to help them grow too, by giving them the consequence of 'letting them go and moving on..' it's hard to let someone go, but at the same time if you really love them, you're going to teach them what's right. love is selfless."
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