my life's alright

how it feels to fly.

the element of freedom

date/time Friday, April 24, 2009,7:20 PM

OTS: mad.

so i felt like writing something, cause i haven't written some random POV story in a long time, cause there've been no inspirations to me lately, except for today's inspiration, that wasn't supposed to be so inspiring.. but yeah. i'm not les, i just wanted to write this in a guy's point of view. no edits, no add-ins, no personal confessions, just an OTS.

ughhh... what is that familiar reverberation, whispering in a crescendo? that yelling inaudible "thump-thump." that.. sweat-dripping nervous hand shaking feeling, that's running through my numbed bones? i swear, if i squeezed my fist again, a drop of sweat would trickle down, and turn into tears as it hit the ground. why am i letting a pointless conversation enervate me?! i don't understand why i couldn't go up to her and just tell her, how i feel.. without yelling, without complaining.. without fighting.. if i could even find the words to say. what's worse.. is i don't even remember why we're fighting .. and why am i not choosing to go through with this when i want her so bad.. wait.. when i want "to be with" her, so badly. this isn't like me, to not be able to go up to anyone, even a complete stranger.

she's holding something of mine, that i treasure so dearly, that i would hold close to my own heart, if that's what she didn't have.

I can't just stand here, silent, with invisible liquid diamonds running down my face, beating my self up about not being able.. to simply say, that everything's okay.. when i know thing's aren't okay, when i don't even know why. and that voice in my head, told me not to give up my humility, but to practice it. and when i do, i'll gain it back.. it's time to be a man in a deep selfless way. i couldn't even explain my feelings to myself alone, but i pictured myself as an untamed beast, reaching out of burning metal bars that block me from my wall of freedom.. and i can't tell her that. ;as i drew in my last breath in independance, i took a step forward.. trying to taste this deceit.. in a positive manner. i still kept my head low, hands in my pockets.. towards her; left foot, right foot.. one after the other, in an extremely slow pace that anyone around would think i was lost. forcing myself to do this, i knew it was for the better, cause i wouldn't be able to go to bed.. mad at her.

i was looking for a heartbreak at first, but i realized the heart's a break when looking..and i didn't have any plans on breaking hers.. so i believe this love is blind, and though she might not think the same way i am right now.. i prepared my ears to hear the same heartbeat.. this time, simultaneously corresponding with hers.. and i pray.. oh God,.. i pray that her heart, decides to do that similar act as well..